Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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