Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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