I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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