her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
