Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
