I looked at my own cervix.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
