How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize