He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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