Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
