Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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