I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
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Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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