You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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