The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
