I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sorry my hands just texted you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
