So drunk its hurt
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
