Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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