I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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