Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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