If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
