i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
