Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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