..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
