I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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