not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
