Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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