dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
