Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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