I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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