Already got asked if we're dating
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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