I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
