You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
