and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
