WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
