found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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