My friends, they love my intelligence
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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