so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
