I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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