Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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