is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
