so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
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note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
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