You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
