I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
