She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
