Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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