Tell her she can't have a vagina
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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