you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
