i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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