Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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