people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
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Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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