I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
