Need sex. Gaining weight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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