everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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