In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
