hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I touched a dick in church today
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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