Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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