ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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