My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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