I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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