Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
