he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
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That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
not ubering you a puppy
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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