I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
