Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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