I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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